I would love to say I came out of the womb accepting myself, but that’s just not true. Maybe as children we all accept ourselves or maybe we came here with prejudgments. I’m not sure where it starts but I know it can be there very harshly for some of us and maybe even stay with us most of our lives.
I can honestly say I’ve struggled with accepting myself and it’s been a bit worse at times than others. If I would have had my acceptance, life would have been a lot better. I’m not sure when or why I started bashing on myself so much but it became familiar to me as a kid. I’m glad I learned different ways of having a relationship with myself.
So how do we shift from self judgment to self acceptance?
My journey of self hatred was what I just thought was life early on. I saw my parents hide themselves and hate who they were. I learned self hate from them. Even though I’m sure they didn’t know they had this relationship with themselves, it poured into all their other relationships. They had very little self love and even love for others and as a child I didn’t understand but the older I grew the more those thoughts and hardships became my own also. I was convinced this was all life had and maybe I’d never have a healthy relationship with myself and maybe that would just have to be ok. As long as everyone else was okay, I was okay. Sound familiar?
The universe had a different plan for me. I was not going to settle with that idea that life was happening to me and I had no control over my thoughts and life. I started learning how to shift my unhealthy behaviors into powerful transformations and healthy behaviors. I started loving myself and all my little quirks. I finally felt self love for the first time and it wasn’t the selfish love my mom told me about all my life. That maybe others convinced you was selfish if you did what you want. No, it was a path that led me to loving my life and loving the person I was and in loving myself I was able to love the people around me more. My wants and needs mattered to me and I was able to shift out of a perspective that taking care of myself was selfish. Everything was coming together just like that but I ran into a problem. I was still hiding, only showing parts I knew people would like. Even though I loved my quirks I still didn’t accept them, and I thought others wouldn’t and couldn’t accept me so I fit back into the box. I was missing acceptance and I thought I’d find it anywhere but inside, but that was exactly where it was.
Some of us have been convinced we don’t fit in. I believe it’s amazing to be “different” or not fit in but what if those traits that make you stand out are your gifts and talents and you’ve taught yourself “SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN” “fit into the box” “don’t be too much” “they won’t like you”. All of this negative self talk can be traumatizing especially if it’s your constant inner dialogue. It might even show up subconsciously which could mean you’re being effected without even knowing what is effecting you. Making decisions or taking actions that didn’t make sense why you would shut down or even project in different ways. This showed up a lot through my high school years and even college and I had no idea this was a pattern for me.
I thought I was accepting myself all this time but really I was just showing parts I thought others would accept until this last year. I made a declaration to always accept myself and fully show up in my radiating quirks no matter who I am around. This has not been easy. After hiding parts of me for so long it felt terrifying to show the world my soul. Even after stepping fully into this version of myself I had to let a lot of people go, and that is ok. I learned it’s more important to accept yourself rather than being what others want you to be. Even if people can’t accept the full you, or maybe they benefit from you sitting in silence afraid to express yourself. Just because they don’t accept you doesn’t mean you can’t. You can, and you can accept every single part.
You can choose you, and you can choose you over everyone and everything else. I was taught different but I knew it didn’t feel right to only show parts of myself to the world. SO I FINALLY CHOSE ME. I will never fit into a box for the people I work with, I will never hide certain emotions to make everyone comfortable and I will never hide parts of me to please someone else. As soon as you have this realization, trust me it will change everything.
When we learn to accept ourselves we give others the permission to shine in their light and accept themselves also.
It’s time to respect yourself, admire yourself, love yourself and accept yourself. After all we are at our most beautiful energy when we are in acceptance.
Diving Deep 