Life gives us no warning. Destruction can hit your world quicker than you can imagine. Sometimes another thing hits you on your ass, and maybe another and another (the way this year has been) at that point it feels easier to just “keep going”, instead of processing what we just went through, no matter how devastating.
I am writing on this today because this reminder has been my saving grace this week.
Slowing down can be seen as a weakness in our society. This can be crippling to our health, and self worth. If we believe that slowing down is weak what if we go so far to train ourselves to never slow down? To never be enough, never get enough done… this doesn’t sound fulfilling to me, what about you guys?
The stress in the world today has caused a lot of turmoil in each of our lives, in one way or another. It is crucial to know when to slow down, and it’s different for everyone.
My year has been a shit storm, like I’m sure a lot of your 2020’s are going.
I tried for months to “stay in the positive” “keep going” “DONT SLOW DOWN” and then boom I slammed into a wall (figuratively) that I didn’t know if I’d be able to get back up from.
You think that would have been the moment I slowed down, but nope. I kept beating on myself to do more, to be more and to help more. This was my excuse, how could I slow down when I have all this bigness inside waiting to burst out. How could I slow down when so many people had it worse. How could I slow down and look even weaker than I already do. Basically all the low vibrational self worth bullshit coming up.
I am all for being there for others, and I am one who does anything for the people I love but I wasn’t taking into consideration how empty my cup was. Eventually it hits you, you can’t keep pouring from this empty cup.
After months of just pushing. I got news my father passed away( also someone who always kept going, no matter how much stress he was holding). My world stopped…. it was unexpected, and heartbreaking. I still wanted to keep going, honestly I don’t think I could have stopped in that moment. It felt too heavy. Too unbearable. I couldn’t accept this reality right away. I had things I needed to do, or so I thought. At that point I knew accepting this pain would almost kill me too, so unconsciously I made a choice to distract myself from those dark feelings. Suppress suppress suppress sis, and don’t beat yourself up if you have done this because sometimes we aren’t ready to let go and crumble into pieces.
Denial only lasts for so long I learned, and it comes back around to hit you even harder. Our tough emotions won’t leave us until we let them in, process them and then let them go.
Keeping up with todo lists was stoping me from really going inward.
Comforting everyone else was also another way for me to avoid.
Even distractions such as our phones, computers and televisions are always there to keep us from actually slowing down.
You have important things to process whether you think you do or not.
We never really see these patterns until we slow down.
Finally, after one bad thing piled onto another. The straw that broke the camels back happened. You guys are going to laugh, because the universe in my opinion gave me this nudge to slow down, ever so unapologetically.
When I woke up one morning I stepped outside for a minute and realized somehow I locked myself outside. No phone. No tv. And not a single distraction in site. I tried to think of how I’d get back in if not I’d have to wait for almost 7 hours till someone else was back home to let me in. An hour passed and I had nothing. Finally it all just hit me. The 3 deaths I had just experienced in a matter of a couple months, the stress of feeling behind in my work and business and every other big and little thing I had been suppressing and doing everything to ignore all hit me like a truck load of bricks landing on me.
I cried.
I mourned.
I screamed.
I cried and cried some more but finally I felt a flicker that it was gonna be ok. I was still here and I still had a purpose, even though I let myself stop for a moment everything was ok.
It hurts when you let it in, but the weight of carrying your pain without processing it can leave you feeling this pain faintly for a lot of your life, much longer than necessary.
Some of us don’t know how to slow down because we have programmed ourselves to keep going even in the hardest of circumstances. If this is the case for you, just keep using this slow down muscle and you will build it up slowly. The amount of work you do should never measure your worth. Give yourself permission to slow down.
My dear brave souls. If you’ve read this far, you also might not know how to slow down durning these insane times but I promise it’s worth it. Find something that works for you, anything. Just know you are so strong, and no matter what you feel you can handle it. You were given this pain for a purpose, just as I was. The positivity will reappear eventually while we heal.
Even though it doesn’t make sense now, I will believe, I will trust and most of all I will allow myself to slow down.
I’m not going to give you a list of things to help you slow down, and I’m not even going to pretend I know what slowing down means to you so I will leave you with a simple channeled message I think everyone will benefit from.
“My worth will never be measured by the amount I get done today. I am always and will always be worthy.”
Sending you all so much fucking love. Stay strong brave ones.
Diving Deep 