People always leave, exactly when they are meant to

Have you been one to believe, people always leave? raise your hand

I see you, I see you. Good, maybe I’m not the only one.

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Ever since I can remember I’ve had this line stuck in my head, “People always leave”probably connected to my severe abandonment issues that I try to shove down and pretend don’t exist, but who am I kidding.

None of us want to be left, but when we come from a helpless place it will feel like we are that kid screaming “PLEASE PLEASE DONT LEAVE”

Story time,

So last year I had a lot of past trauma resurface. After the pandemic beginning and the uncertainty of it all I felt a little more unsafe every day… and then a close friend of mine passed very randomly and suddenly. Car accident, someone hit her driving on the wrong side of the road in mid daylight.

I felt myself shut off… if she was gone how could I go on.

The phases of grief are a bitch, let me just add.

Not only that but my best friend at that time, decided to leave as well. I truly think my pain was to much for her, she had never lost someone in a traumatic way. I begged her to stay, to console my aches and be my shoulder but she took the first opportunity to slam the door and lock it up. (Meaning she even blocked me)

My self worth was at an all time low. Wow, how pathetic was I to have no one in my darkest time I felt helpless and afraid… and then it clicked.

Was this a pattern in my life

I had been feeling this heart ache of being left because maybe all along it was a belief I had. My worth reflected my beliefs and those mother fuckers manifested into my reality. Being abandoned was my worst fear, and it left me feeling broken time after time.

I started to choose me, when no one else was around. What a gift… and then the healing started.

Know you have everything inside of you, you are strong and if you go through anything alone just know that takes courage.

I ran into that “best friend” this last weekend and honestly I’m glad she left. I didn’t have me before, and her leaving made me realize I had been giving a lot of my energy away to people who were never going to understand or genuinely reciprocate that connection back.

Let people go when they are walking away. Because if you stay where you don’t belong how will you ever find the people who will celebrate you and lift you up.

Don’t blame yourself, people really can only go as deeply as they have gone with themselves. It’s nothing to take personal when someone doesn’t want to be in your life, who knows maybe it’s even a blessing.

People are going to opt out of your life, and that’s okay. LET THEM.

Your tribe will hold you, your tribe will get you and it’s our responsibility to welcome that love when it comes and release it when it has come to an end. I will forever honor my friend who passed away, she was my tribe and she is watching over me while I find who I am meant to be close to next.

Losing people teaches us things, and we can honor this. When you look back , be grateful for the ones you have loved and the ones who have loved you.

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This post may contain affiliated links. If a purchase is made using my link I will receive a commission at no extra cost to you